The Deadpool Yard


Deadpool (2013)
Publisher: Activision
Console: Xbox 360
Rated: M

(*Crash! Boom! Pow! The Junkman and Mikey are on the floor, unconscious*). Yeah, serves you two losers right. Wait a minute. Where the hell am I? Where are all the pictures?

What’s that? You want a review? Okay. While I try to figure my way out of here, I’ll review the best video game of all time: Deadpool.

What kinda game is it? Let’s see; Daniel Way wrote the script (the same person that writes most of my comics and adventures) Nolan North voices me (the same person that voices most of my appearances); and it will be a third-person action game with bouncing everything! (If you catch my drift. *Wink!*) So, in short, get ready to play a very, VERY, **beep** video game. (Who beeped me?)

I’m a mercenary with an accelerated healing factor. I’ve been described as unstable, which is just plain coo-coo. (Wait, do sane people say coo-coo?) I’m gonna battle for the safety of humans and mutants (and even mumans.) Be prepared for just about anything. (Holla!) I made sure to capture all my good sides (yep, you get to look at my heinie). Keep a look out ‘cuz some of my X-Men pals (whoa, what pals?!) make an appearance. (Hope you don’t mind picking hair out of your tacos.) I’m really good at killing, so I made it a blast stringing together combos, and totally eviscerating my enemies. (Ev-is-cer-a-ting!) I brought my skills and a buttload of my favorite things. Katanas (check), guns (bang!) explosives (boom!), duct tape (quack) and of course, yours truly – ME! (checkmate)

When you play this game (*there’s no “if,” you will play it*), you’d better make me look good. And don’t compare my game to anyone else’s. Like that chump Spider-Man. His newest game sucked! Go play it, see! Just kidding, don’t. Actually… yeah, no, don’t play it. You’ll want your money back the minute you look at the cover! It’s just horrifying! Same with his newest movie. You know what? Just don’t bother with him at all.

Now how am I supposed to… wait… is that a door? Well, it’s time to say goodbye. It’s all just so… so… sad. Well… not really. I’ll see you all later if you buy my game. If you don’t buy my game… well, then… you can all just go to hell. And be sure to say hello to Death for me. She is so **beep**ing hot!

Kevin Blanton
About Kevin Blanton (0 Articles)
Kevin never worked in a junkyard. He enjoys comic books and video games. His favorite video game right now is Grand Theft Auto Five, but he can’t figure out how to blow up the meth lab. Kevin used to read a lot of books growing up. His favorite was probably Crime and Punishment. He went through an odd phase when he thought he was Raskolnikov. Kevin is a writer for two reasons: one, a love for the written word, and two, to get all the women.

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