F is for Fanboy


Worst. Article. Ever.

A new title belt was revealed last night at WWE’s Summerslam. The title in question, the Universal Heavyweight Championship, had been announced a month prior, but this was the first chance the fans had to see the belt itself. The crowd was quick to announce their displeasure with the belt by chanting loudly about how much it sucked, taking a lot of steam out of the match to determine who would wear said belt. It was so bad that one of the participants in the match, Seth Rollins, took to Twitter later to run the Brooklyn fans down. I use this as the most recent example of fandom run amok, but you only have to look back a couple of weeks at any given moment to see the fanboys in action.

It seems that in the internet age, true fans of anything, be it wrestling, or comics, or taxidermy, feel the need to interject their (mostly) useless opinions on the public at large. Everything is either the greatest thing ever (Teh Walking Dead!!!11!1!) or the worst (Ghostbustaz rapped my childhud!1!1!:{), and whereas a critic like Roger Ebert had an encyclopedic film knowledge, saggyballz42069@taint.com has seen Transformers 45 times. He tells me Suicide Squad is good though, so how could it not be?



The biggest difference between Ebert and saggyballz42069, besides the sweet handle, is the breadth of their tastes. If your interests, like most Mountain-Dew-swilling chodes out there, are limited to entertainment where men wearing underwear beat up on other men wearing underwear, perhaps you need to broaden your horizons. At 21 this is the norm, at 45 it could become a problem.

Much like partisan political websites, the fanboy mob tends to live in an echo chamber. (“How is it possible that mainstream critics don’t like Captain America 12: Pay Me? They just don’t understand the character!”) As that echo chamber gets bigger, the belief in the groups power becomes overblown, so much so that they believe they can actually make a difference in the performance of a movie. I actually know people who thought that the B.S. backlash against the new Ghostbusters (THEY’RE GIRLS!) would make a difference in the box office, and then those same people went to watch it so they could bitch more. It’s the dragon eating its own tail, saggyballz42069, and you are not the solution.


This picture is the equivalent of the lamest guys at your middle school reenacting the credit sequence of Reservoir Dogs.

“But, Jeremy,” you say, “you review movies online. Aren’t you just as bad as saggyballz42069?” The answer to that is an emphatic no. I do review films, along with the occasional opinion piece (obviously), but I hope that anyone who reads a review by me knows I’m not an authority; I’m a fan. I’m not approaching the films I review from the stance of a scholar or film historian, nor do I feel like that is expected of me by my editors. We’re all fans here and we hope you are too. Our opinions are not meant to be scripture.

The problem with saggyballz42069, fictitious as he is, is that he, along with a large segment of so-called fans, believe their opinion is the only valid point of view. Just because a dunderhead in Boise, Idaho believes that Mary-Jane Watson has to be portrayed by a white girl with red hair, doesn’t mean that the majority of people do. My guess is that the average person literally doesn’t care at all. Another problem with echo chambers: people in them tend to believe what they care about is what everyone cares about.

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This is obviously not the case.

Listen, saggyballz42069, I’m not saying you have to stop loving what you love, I’m just saying that maybe the color of a wrestling belt really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. If you spent as much time training as you did bitching, you might even be able to win a real wrestling belt. I hear Juggalo Championship Wrestling is hiring, and they pay in Faygo. It ain’t Mountain Dew, but it’s a start.

Until next time…


The Insane Clown Posse.


Jeremy Bishop
About Jeremy Bishop (89 Articles)
When not busy trying to keep an 8-year old boy in line, Jeremy Bishop likes to spend time with his girlfriend catching up on movies, attempting to catch up on comics, and doing his best to stay in shape. You can follow Jeremy on Twitter @jmoney1776.
Contact: Twitter

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